


How to make love

by FreakyPseudWriter



Category: Naruto
Genre: But I would like some tips, Drunk Suggestions, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, From Sex to Love, How Do I Tag, Mild S&M, Please Don't Kill Me, Reader-Insert, Romance, Self-Insert, Teaching how to have sex, That's enough for today, You Have Been Warned, it's not very good, my first work ever, thank you very much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-30 23:49:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8554501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakyPseudWriter/pseuds/FreakyPseudWriter
Summary: Since years you've been in love with Kakashi Hatake, your probably best friend. But there's a secret you have and only after a night of drinking you spill it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing from the naruto series but some fan-articles, everything else is still in the hand of Masashi Kishimoto.

„Kakashi?“  
You stuck your head through the open window. Outside it was a bit chilly, but you didn’t mind the cool breeze ghosting over your skin. Your best friend for years sat at his bed, the green covers neatly folded and in his hands holding the thin green booklet you read once and immediately started to chase Jirayia afterwards down, to stop him from writing another one.  
His half-lidded eyes didn’t even flicker shortly away from the letters when he raised his hand in a lazy wave. “Yo.”  
Sighing you shifted from one feet to the other. “You forgot, right?”  
That catched Kakashis attention. Confused he gazed at your form, while you sighed aspirated out. “You promised you would go drinking with me after my mission. It’s now after my mission.”  
“I can see that.”  
He meant the still dirty uniform clinging to your body. The green Konoha vest, accentuated with the blood of your enemies and some real dirt, black jounin pants and the ninja shoes. Even one of your toes was dirtied by the death of one of the missing nin you hunted down, but tonight you didn’t really care about that. Kakashi promised to keep your company on a night out and hell, you would drag him into a bar and get wasted!  
The scarecrow had been your superior in Anbu. But soon you two had been sent also on other missions together, because somehow you and he harmonized. Your fighting styles, the art of thinking alike, only the clashing personalities could be a problem, but work aside, you quickly realized Kakashi was a great friend and he did too with you. The man trusted you, despite your open and social-butterfly-attitude, because you were able to seal the secrets of your friends away and you liked him, because Kakashi was one of the few males you ever met who actually thought before speaking. Not many men managed the feat of impressing you.  
“Then I will shower quickly. No big deal.” you said and let your eyes wander over his laid back attire, consisting of his special undershirt with a mask connected to it and a white boxer shorts. “In the mean time you should really get into something else. Or else.” While opening the window wider and getting in, you shook your head as he snickered only at your openly displayed annoyance.  
“Fine, fine. I promised after all.” Then he returned to his book, not moving an inch. You grunted annoyed and snatched “Icha-Icha-Paradise” away from him, only to wave with your trophy at the male, a big fat grin on your lips. “You get that trash back when I exit the bath, not one second earlier!”  
His whimpers at the lost page you drowned out and dismissed with another mocking wave. 

You showered and under the hot stream and the constant scrubbing of dried blood you got lost in your thoughts about your friend. Since some time now you were aware of the attraction towards him, making your knees weak everytime you two met. It was an emotion totally new for you, but it felt so good to be for once a girl on the inside, not a trained tool to kill merciless and torture even with less mercy. You sighed mindless out while rinsing the (h/c) mane, then you pinched yourself into the soft flesh of your hip. “Stop daydreaming. It will not happen.” you murmured. “Just enjoy being his friend and have a great night.”  
Getting out of the shower, you toweled yourself dry and eyed your dirty clothes, laying on the bath tiles and reeking of death and mud. No way you would change into that clothes today.  
“Good thing I brought this…” A small storage scroll in one of the many pouches of your uniform held spare clothing. Nothing fancy, just the average jounin pants, the same pair of standard blue ninja sandals, but a skin tight (f/c) tank top. You slipped the clothes quickly on, sighing in happiness at the feeling of cleanliness washing over you.  
“(Name)? Are you done?”  
Kakashis voice resounded through his cramped bathroom, dulled by the wood of the door between you and the copy ninja. “Right away!” you retorted and quickly sealed the pile of messed up fabric in the scroll, then opened the door with enough vigor to throw even Naruto off his feet when he made a dash towards Ichiraku’s. The scarecrow was in the same clothes he always wore, the only concession to the partynight was the absence of his gloves.  
He scanned your whole body, what made you flinch a little, but when his black orbs returned to your face, they were ceased into the same not-telling-anything half-moons you already knew so well. “Let’s get done with it. I want to finish “Icha-Icha-Paradise” tonight.”  
You rolled your eyes. “You read that book for a thousand times already, Hatake. There’s nothing left to discover.” While you said that, you tugged grumpily the despised book from behind you and gave it to Kakashi.  
The fabric of his mask rippled as his grin widened. “You only say that because you despise those masterpieces of literature.”  
“Goddammit, before I can take a conversation about this disgusting smut, I need one or two shots.”

(…)

“You know,” you giggled as you nearly fell down the chair you sat on, “that’s when the brothel owner stepped in, looked around and only said: I’m not gonna clean that up missus!”  
Kakashi chuckled and played with his fifth cocktail glass. There had been one of the little umbrellas in the glass, but now the pink obscenity had somehow found its way into his hair. A small dot of color in the feathery mane.  
Your sight blurred for a second. There was nothing better than a night out after a hard mission, to get rid of the tension of constant danger surrounding you and the company of someone who understood and didn’t asked any unnecessary questions. And Kakashi was such a person.  
You were surely wasted by now. Around the seventh drink you lost count, but honestly, you also didn’t care. The music playing in the background pleased you and humming weakly your eyes wandered around, over and over stumbling over the sight of the silver haired eye candy beside you. But then the barkeeper, a pierced and tattooed man in his thirties, placed a new round of drinks before you and Kakashi, making you squeal and the male nodded in gratitude at the owner.  
“Kampai!” you exclaimed and raised your glass towards your friend, who swayed a bit but managed to meet your glass with his. “Kampai.” he answered, only a little slur in his words. It was your favorite bar and the barkeeper knew you now for quite some time, even had a tab to place both your drinks on, because neither of you brought any money with you (you were sure Kakashi did, but was just too lazy to get his wallet out). You just took a sip from your Pina Colada, just the right amount of pineapple and cream in it, when a hand suddenly slipped around your hip.  
“Hey.” A deep voice whispered into your ear, leering and dripping from even more alcohol than both you and Kakashi tanked. “How ‘bout leavin that weak-lookin pimp and fuck with me?”  
You fought the blush tainting your cheeks. Your heart accelerated, but not out of a sudden increase of hormones in your body, but of the hand creeping over the soft skin of your stomach, drawing unwanted circles here and there. It was sheer, simple panic flooding your system. Then you got a hold of yourself. You were a jounin, and a good one on top of that! Drunk or not, you were able to defend your body from disgusting advances and drunkyards who thought they were a gift for every woman on the planet!

“You don’t answer, honey.” The man in your behind continued and rested his chin at your shoulder. At that action cold shivers ran down your spine and you hissed out. “Let’s skip that bastard and make something worthwhile when we’re at it.”  
He gained one tiny plus point because he used the word ‘worthwhile’ while being drunk without stumbling over the syllables. It didn’t hinder you from gripping firmly into the wandering hand and bending the joint until it cracked. Howling loudly the flirtatious man went down, while you only rolled your eyes at the pitiful whining.  
“I’m not interested, fucker.” Still on your stool you turned around and leaned against the bar in your back, searching for support (mentally and physically – the alcohol took its toll on you after all). “Go back to ya momma and cry your eyes out, but don’t fucking touch me again.”  
A snort from your right assured you about your actions. Kakashi looked at you, his elbow placed at the dark top of the bar and his chin resting in the hand. “That. Was. Great.” he said slowly and chuckled again.  
“That was nothing.” you gave back and watched how his eyes widened in innocent unbelief. “There was this one time in Kusagakure… Or wait, wasn’t it Kumogakure…?”

(…)

“You did not.”  
He nodded proudly. “I did.”  
You gestured wildly and only barely avoided the army of empty glasses in front of you. “You did NOT!”  
“Believe it, I did.” Kakashi halted, then laughed. “God, I sound like Naruto.”  
“The son of Kushina? Yeah, he has the same way of speaking.” you mumbled to yourself.  
Hours passed since the fondler escaped with a broken wrist out of the bar and most of the other drinkers already went home, stumbling over their own feet and probably babbled the text of the song which came now for the third time that evening. You also did, your head lolling from one side to the other and giggling whenever you got a sexual innuendo. You already forgot what Kakashi did or did not. All that mattered that he was by your side, a great drinking buddy and best friend you could ever wish for.  
“Last round!” the barkeeper announced and you heard Kakashi protest weakly. Then an imaginary light bulb appeared above your head and grinning at your friend, you ordered your last round. “Two shots, Taka, for me and my best-estest friend here!”  
“What’ya doing?” asked Kakashi, swaying on his stool.  
“Oh, ya will see.”  
The shots came and you pushed one of the small cups to the copy ninja. “Wait one sec.” you said and shoved his eager hand away. “We have to do that prop-properly.”  
You linked your arms and as Kakashi understood your drunk intentions he nodded wildly, obviously overjoyed you two would drink your shots while being connected. The alcohol burned in your throat, but it was a good pain, the kind of pain which washed all the other cuts and bruises away. As your head lowered again, he still nestled with the band of his mask, the shot still in his hand.  
“Can’t get it off.” he murmured grumpily.  
Before you thought too much, your fingers curled around the edge. “I’ll help ya.”  
His skin was warm under the pads of your fingers, you noticed in your drunken daze, probably flushed by the many cocktails he had. You didn’t peek at his face while he finished the shot, but your left hand was always laying at his neck, the fingers wringed in the black fabric of his mask. It wouldn’t be right to invade his privacy. 

“(Name), you can put it back now.”  
Kakashis voice was always so raspy. You knew he didn’t smoke, but the deep rich tone send shivers over your skin, of the comfortable kind of course.  
“(Name).”  
You had seen him once without his shirt on and damn! Kakashi was someone you would like to run into whenever he took a shower. Nice ripped abs, only a few scars and a trail of silver hair leading downward…  
“(Name)!”  
“Hm? Did ya say somethin’ ?”  
“Pull up my mask.”  
You flinched in shame. “Uh, sorry Kakashi.” Without looking at your trembling fingers, you placed the cover back at your friend’s face, only then you dared to meet his eyes again. Were there always two Kakashis, staring at you with those black, deep pools of onyx, so fucking intense and…  
“I liked ya with your Sharingan, but your original eye is also cute.”  
It took you a few seconds to realize what your mouth just spilled. Then your brain decided to weaken the compliment with a wild giggling fit and your body wanted to help with a sudden change of balance.  
The world spun, turned, did a barrel roll, only to suddenly black out. You found yourself on the ground of the bar, a dull pain in the back of your head and legs awkwardly bend, with a helpless Kakashi at your side. “(Name)! Say something!” he yelled.  
You grunted wordless and tried to get up on your own, but then your stomach revolted. Groaning you fell back to the ground, clutching to your belly like your life (or your dignity!) depended on it. Hell, since thirteen years you hadn’t puked because of too much alc, so you wouldn’t start now in front of your crush! Wait…  
He shoved his index finger into your cheek. “Talk to me, please. (Name)? Are y’okay?”  
You never had a crush before, a serious on top of that! And there was still that little issue of your state… The warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach didn’t care about that. One part of you wanted to rip your pants away and invite him for a sweaty exercise right here, the other part crossed same limbs and blushed heavily from head to toes.  
Yeah, with your 28 years you were still a virgin. You never found the time to get rid of it and there was simply no man who held your interest long enough to even think about sleeping with him. You never did more than making-out, clumsy and tooth clicking together in a painful way.  
“(Name)! Don’t worry, I’ll get you out.”

Three kisses in the last year and two of them were for missions. The last one came from Anko in a drunken Spin-the-Bottle accident. The snake-loving female afterwards slipped you a note with her address into your pocket, but you quickly get rid of it. She wasn’t your type. No, the man slipping his strong arms under your legs and back was exactly the one who was your type. Broad shoulders. A nature so opposite to yours, but at the same time ready to tell strange jokes for your sake. A nice musky scent. Hands, calloused and at the same time ginger dipping into her naked skin, holding on so tightly and a chest which was perfect for a quick nap…  
A rush of cold night air hit you. The coldness stung nearly like ice on your bare shoulders, making you instantly tremble. “K-Kakashi… Cold.” you whined and snuggled your head more into the fabric of his flak vest.  
“’Kay. My flat is closer than yours.” Kakashi was warm. The heat almost radiated from him and you sighed when he stopped his ninja dash upon the roofs of Konoha to wrap you in said jacket. You smiled sheepishly while he did that, staggering on your feet and trying not to empty your stomach on his feet.  
Then a flash of memory hit you. “Oh!” You slapped him. Usually you wouldn’t hit your friends, but the alcohol lowered your defenses to nearly everything. “I know what we were talkin’ about!”  
Kakashi cocked his head to the side. It was so cute to see that. “What?”  
“I still can’t believe you slept with an older kunoichi. With thirteen years, ya old charmer!” You stumbled over the number, then shook your head. The previously washed hair flowed like satin around your shoulders and you sighed out, suddenly feeling sad and tired at the same time. “It’s easy for a man…”  
“What?” he repeated, confusion clearly on his half covered features. The moon was bright that night and countless stars enlightened the dark streets of the town. Slowly, but steadily you made your way to the edge of the roof and sat down, legs dangling in the air. Your palms scratched over the rough material as you got to the edge. “Sex. Sex is easy for a man. And surely for you.”

Naturally. He had the looks, the quirky interesting personality, the mystery around him… But you… You were plain. There was nothing extraordinary about you, only your skills exceeded the other ninjas around you. Your eyes, your nose, your lips, your figure… What would be left if you died on your next mission? You had to plan for that case everytime you travelled out of the safe haven Konohagakure. Your single-room apartment was bare from personal items, except for the few gifts you received from your friends over the years, pictures and a memento of your already dead and buried mother; a silver pendant, melted and bend under the force of the fire where she died in. Your father left even before you were born.  
And love… As already stated, you never found it. Maybe graced it, but never ever truly embraced the fleeting emotion. And now, with the attraction to Kakashi, your best friend who never would feel the same way because he was… the copy ninja and you were you, only some random kunoichi who forced him to drink with her to keep the lonely nights at bay, you didn’t know what to do. “I’m 28 years old.” you rambled suddenly into the silence. “28 years. And not one sexual experience. God. I’m such a failure as a woman.”  
Beside you he crouched down, arms relaxed laying over the top if his muscular thighs. “Do you want to say-?”  
“Yeah. I’m a fucking virgin.” You sniveled. “A dumb virgin who knows nothing. Go on, laugh if you want.”  
“I would never laugh at a friend.”  
“Sure. What was with the punishment you inflicted for Gai after a won match?”  
“You have to gimme that point. It was funny.”  
The memory really created a tiny smile on your lips. “It was.”  
“And why are you still virgin?” he asked carefully, almost hesitating. You didn’t notice the slur in his voice vanished completely, so you answered as honest as a drunken person was able to. “Dunno. Never got time. There was always a mission, always someone to kill, always a village to defend. And nobody was irking me enough. Seriously, has Konoha only hardcore perverts and civilians? Is that everything? My god,” you hid your face behind your hands, “I will die as an ever-virgin. Nobody would want to fuck me, even when I start to undress in the middle of the street. On my grave someone will edge the words: here lies (Name) (Surname), never deflowered and never looked at. Don’t end up like her kids, or we will place your body beside hers.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything for a while. Silence laid over both of you as you watched the houses around you, seeing one or two faintly illuminated windows, lots of closed blinds and shadows, hiding the inhabitants of the buildings. You were feeling melancholic and drew with your index finger in the dirt on the roof, your thoughts dark and depressing. Then the ninja abruptly got up. You jerked at the surprising harsh movement and watched with wide eyes how Kakashi ruffled through his upstanding hair, but the only thing you was able to see was his back.  
Why was he so agitated? It was your problem and you only said that because you were obviously drunk and even that frail state started to fade away. You sobered up a little, however it didn’t stop you from continuing your little ramble. It felt so good to get this finally of your heart, all the insecurities you locked tightly in yourself until now. “I’m not somebody who is loved by someone. I completely understand that. I’m too cheerful, too excited by everything. Some male Anbus said that after our mission. They also said they couldn’t imagine to sleep with me, not to talk about kissing. Hell,” you laughed bitterly out, “I don’t even know if I’m a bad kisser or not! I could be horrible!”  
“You just need… exercise.”  
“Where should I get that? A stranger in a bar? Could be an enemy shinobi. A civilian? He would not understand me at all, the things I do and have to do. An Anbu? All of them are arrogant pricks. Another ninja from Konoha? I don’t know anybody else good enough other ninjas, because the only thing I do is working as a hunter and sometimes high priority missions with you. I know no one, Kakashi. The only thing left is to live with that fact and adopt as many cats as I can before I die.” you mumbled and buried your face again in your hands. The following words were muffled by your limbs and only meant for yourself. “I’m such a loser…”  
“I can help you.”  
His words made you stop in your self-wallowing. Suddenly you were overly conscious of Kakashis presence, wavering around you while he stood behind you. He was able to completely erase his aura, but now it radiated from him like heat radiated from a bonfire.  
You said nothing, so Kakashi explained further. “You have no sexual experience? Fine. I have plenty. I can show you how to have sex, no problem.”  
Stuttering incoherently you tried to dismiss the stupid idea, but the copy ninja swatted your defense with an angry flick of his wrist away. “Listen, you’re my friend. And I want to help my friends if there’s a problem. You sit in front of me and nearly cry at the possible future you see in front of you and I can’t bear to watch you like that. You’re cheerful and blinding in your optimism and I like you best that way. And fuck the Anbus who talked so insulting about you. They have no right to talk like they are a gift to humankind, when the only thing they can actually do is gossiping behind your back like little schoolgirls.”  
He was shaking in anger while he talked, his voice only slightly swaying in the emotions. 

You looked up to him, to the man you somehow got to love during the years you spent together. At the beginning he was cold and unmoved by your attics. As a captain of the elite of a hidden village two very important assets and even deeply needed, but as a human being Kakashi failed. Only over the time he opened up, until he talked with you even about Obito and Rin. Then the regular missions came and sometimes you would met his students, of which the scarecrow talked nearly with fatherly adoration whenever they weren’t in listening range. He was someone you trusted with all your heart and though you loved Kakashi, you knew he couldn’t see you in a romantic light.  
Because of Rin.  
He told you one day, when he was shitfaced after Sasuke had gone rogue. After saving Naruto and reporting to the Hokage, he had dragged you to the farthest bar and got extremely drunk. Back then his unusual behavior had scared you, the walls he had built up not falling even when he was so drunk the alcohol reeked from his clothes and his hands jittered that the liquids were jumping out of their cups. Only after Kakashi puked his insides out and woke up the next morning with the headache of his life, he told you about the girl he didn’t allow himself to love, because his dead friend had been the first one to set his Sharingan-eyes on the gentle brunette. Not only that, Kakashi dwelled since then in misery because he was ready to abandon Rin and decided even when he knew about her interest in his person to let any of his emotions shining through.  
And then she had killed herself. Kakashis hands were covered in Rins blood. In his sadness over his broken promise and the dead girl he got into Anbu, as one of the youngest members ever seen in the long history of the village. And there the silver haired boy started to work his way up the ranks, overthrowing the boundaries of age or experience only by mere talent and skill. Then you met him and decided to befriend the unemotional male like you did with many other people around Konoha, but it took your natural charisma quite some time to emigrate his high walls. And you were never happier as that day he first took your invitation to some food, because all your hard efforts weren’t wasted. Over the years the bond between the copy ninja and you grew into a steady and reassuring friendship, supporting each other in training and personal crisis. And for you, your feelings turned into something more, fragile and just as delicate as the finest porcelain at the whole continent, then becoming stronger with each little talk and each shared secret.  
You had tried to separate yourself from Kakashi, forcefully crushing the feelings and butterflies in your stomach, but he ran after you. Knocked on your window, even when the blinds were closed. Went with you to missions, even when you especially requested a solo run. Hell, he even went as far as breaking into your apartment when you pushed his various invitations to get something to eat down, only to start digging in into the breakfast you had made that time.  
That had been before the young Uchiha fought against the blond jinchuriki at the valley of the end for the first time, turning his back on Konohagakure, but right at the time after the village of the hidden sound attacked during the chunin exams. 

Now, after the fourth great ninja war and all the consequences coming with it (Kakashi was handled as the next Hokage candidate because of Tsunades planned retirement), you and he were back to the uncomplicated bond you had before the world had been thrown into a state of hell and your feelings were stronger than a girlish crush, you realized. It was a mix of sexual attraction, the closest friendship you ever had with somebody and deep love, but Kakashi only shared one of the three things with you, you were sure about that.  
“(Name)? Are you ok?” Kakashi bend down to your eye level. In his black orbs was a worried shade as he placed a hand at your shoulder, his bare fingers brushing over your heated skin. “If my offer shocked you, I’m sorry. I just thought it would be a help to you.”  
“Bring me home.” you choked out. His proximity was too much. Together with the already familiar signs of your emotions –your heartbeat picked up, in the pit of your stomach gathered a warm tight ball- your throat grew tight, by the undeniable sadness which was already starting to seep through your flesh and bones. “Please,” you stood with shaky knees up, “bring me… just home.”  
Without another word Kakashi nodded weakly, picked your cold body bridal-style into his arms and nearly flew over the roofs, not complaining about the longer route he had to take. In your head all the while two different fractions fought each other.  
One were your feelings for the male, the other were the fear of rejection if he should ever find out about your interest in him. They were still battling when the two of you reached your home, a simple kondo in the outskirts of Konoha, but just as Kakashi hastily raised his hand to a goodbye, you took a step forward.  
“I… accept.”  
Kakashi paused. His posture was too funny to not to laugh, so it was no miracle a little smile stole its way on your lips. “I accept your offer. I was just surprised. Don’t you think our friendship will suffer?”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and shrugged. One could think he was not bothered by the chance, but you knew him just as well as the back of your hand. “We both are adults who should be able to have an advanced relationship without getting overly excited about it. Don’t you believe?”  
“Y-yeah…” you said. “Okay. Uhm… When-?”  
“When you are comfortable with it.”  
“And how…?”  
“The best would be just showing you.”  
“You mean you would…”  
Kakashi tilted his head to the side and smiled underneath his mask. At the sight your heart skipped a beat. “Yes,” he answered, a bit mocking, “we will practice the act for a few times. That should be fine for letting you grasp the gist of the concept and give you a boost of confidence in your actions.”  
You nodded and leaned against the doorframe of the worn-down barrack. It was nothing much, but you liked the calmness of the district. Mostly only chunin and Anbu lived around here, who were either too poor to afford anything else or were enjoying the silence as much as you did. While you searched for your keys, you felt the gaze of Kakashi on you.  
“Tomorrow. Tomorrow we can start the… exercise.” you mumbled and finally managed to shove the key into the lock. The door clicked and opened. You turned around and watched how the man shifted on his feet, then straightened suddenly like he was reminded of something important. “Tonight would be too much, I believe.”  
In Kakashis eyes sparked a mischievous glint up. “Isn’t it technically tomorrow? It’s 2 a.m.”  
“Well, then come by when you had the chance to get a nap or something.” But just as you wanted to enter your cosy home and also take a great fill of sleep (and a whole package of mint gum to get rid of the disgusting taste of your tongue), he grabbed your left arm.  
Surprised you gasped, but quicker than you realized, Kakashi shoved you into your home, his chest pressing into your back.  
“Kakashi! What are you doing?” But he only chuckled into your ear, his breath crashing in short waves against the cool skin. The sensual contact made you shiver and he snickered again when he noticed your inner and outer turmoil.

You stumbled, but his hands slipped around your waist and supported your unresponsive figure. “Careful. Just a little taste of my skills.”  
In the darkness of your small apartment your eyes weren’t able to see his face, but the shadow moving closely in front of you couldn’t be ignored. Suddenly he slammed you into the wall beside the door and you groaned. The pain wasn’t much, you experienced far worse over the years, but you weren’t prepared for the pure lust washing over you at the rough treatment. He pinned your arms over your head and held them there, with the other he nestled at his mask. Only his charcoal orbs were clear to you; intense, a bit interested into your reactions and glamming.  
“Prepare yourself.” It was your only warning. Then you felt strong lips on your own, not doing anything, just softly resting at your mouth. You didn’t know what to do, but then you experimentally let your lips pry open and mouthed Kakashi. The result was a deep low groan from him and his tongue flicking over your lower lip. You trembled under the force of the ministration; despite being only such a little gesture having so much impact. Your knees buckled, but his body caged you and he still held your arms over your head, making it impossible to slide to the ground.  
It was already too much. You moaned into his mouth as his tongue started to dive in, tickling the roof, trailing the inner walls of your cheeks and playing with your tongue. Your skin tingled in the strange sensations overrunning yourself and out of instinct you pressed into his chest, searching for more contact. His hand laid at your waist, his fingers lightly gripping into the curve and arranging your body to his taste until he was satisfied. You didn’t notice when he let go of your wrists, but you noticed through the daze he put you in his other hand gently trailing down over the insides of your arm further down. His fingerpads brushed over the pulse point, the crook of your elbow, your upper arm, shoulder, finally he cupped your neck, angling your head that he could dip deeper.  
“Kakashi…” you whispered as he let go for a moment, only to go straight after a second searing kiss. This time he was more forceful than before, not gentle and caring about your inexperience. No, he made you whimper and pant, playing and sucking at your tongue until you were pushed to the edge of attacking. For the first time his mouth was the playground for both your tongues and you tugged at his mane, trying to feel more of his lips, more of his body, more of… It was great to hear Kakashi growl. You grinned into the kiss, all the while a certain heat gathered inside you, filling your appendages with warmth and tingles. 

Suddenly the copy ninja froze. His fingers disappeared and the body which had held you up until now also vanished. Your knees were still weak, so you had to lean into the wall. Your chest heaved and your lips puckered, an afterimage of Kakashis still laying on them.  
“Kakashi?” He was in front of you. Automatically you closed your eyes to give him a little privacy to rearrange his mask and the ruffle of fabric strengthened your resolve. Afterwards you only listened to the sounds in the tiny room. For a sign he didn’t find out, for a small clue about his state. “Was it so bad?” you joked weakly and tried to force a smile on your face.  
“No. You were good. Very good.” he said. “Seems like you’re a quick learner.”  
“And do you feel… strange?”  
In an instant he was again pressed to your front, inclusive the massive boner flushed against your lower body and stomach. “Tell me.”  
You felt the blood rush to your cheeks at the discovery Kakashi was aroused by just a kiss. A kiss with you, on top of that. But you placed your palms at his pectoral muscles and pushed him a bit away, enough to not feel the strong form anymore, not the effect the kiss had on him. He was A MAN. Naturally it wasn’t because of you, but the promise of sex lingering in every move. But for you it was definitely out of the feelings for the sex incarnation in your home. “Silly, I meant our friendship. Is everything still okay between us?”  
In order to not lose said bond, you had to lie. Kakashi would distance himself if he would ever find out you felt something more for him. His heart still belonged to the long dead girl and somehow you also understood why.  
But it hurt. It hurt so much.  
So, the only thing you wanted to do was at least trying to get as much skinship with the scarecrow as you could, even when it meant accepting lessons about sleeping with men. You told yourself you were able to live with just that, but deep down there was still the lingering pain, dull and ready to get sharper any moment.  
“Naturally.” Kakashi answered. “Why wouldn’t? It was just a kiss.”  
“Right.” You masked your feelings better than the average shinobi, since you were an Anbu. So you smiled and waved lazily at the silver haired man, even when all you wanted to do was either pulling this stupid mask down and make him kiss you like that again or confessing your love. “Then I guess see you at 8?”

His eyes creased in a grin. “See you then.”  
You were sure you also heard a faint “And be prepared.” from him, but quicker than your dazed mind could process it, Kakashi teleported right out of your cramped home, leaving you with a still open door, his flak vest hanging from your shoulders and your panties soaked in your own love juices.  
“God…” Slowly your knees gave in. As you sat on the ground, you kicked the door closed, shutting the cool night air out. Then you leaned the back of your head against the wall and sighed again, exhaling loudly. “What I’m doing…”  
It was a bad idea. But honestly, which woman (or man) would decline an offer of Konohas official number one ninja-I-would-like-to-have-a-friendship-plus-with, when they were sane and healthy? And on top of that the rest of your drinks still were in your system. Telling yourself that, you managed not to go crazy at the thought of Kakashi sleeping with you in the evening, all the while getting prepared for bed. And when you laid there, curled up into a ball and his vest emitting his musky scent pressed to your cheek like a lovesick girl would, you couldn’t help but to feel excited about the upcoming events.


	2. Chapter 2

“Tooth brushed: Check. Showered: Check. Nice underwear:…” You opened the button of your jeans and spotted the only red laced set of panties you owned, made out of silk and some girlish bows at the sides. “Check. Hair: Brushed and okay.” Then you buttoned up again, your fingers jitterish and scrapping over the warmed up metal of the little nub.  
You awoke around midday and spent the rest of the free time preparing yourself for the lesson. Creating a checklist and working at every point helped to calm down your slowly spinning mind, like you did before every mission you got. A nice, steady routine. Sighing you finger-combed your (h/c) tresses and ruffled them, then dropped your hand to the side and stared into your (e/c) orbs, which stared just as confused back.  
“It’s just a lesson,” you told your mirror and nodded. “It’s only a lesson. We are both adults and I can surely hold those emotions inside. He just sees me as a friend, don’t you dare forget about that, alright?”  
The mirror didn’t answer. But you knew nevertheless it would be hard to not spill your love for Kakashi in the instant he was finished, so you used a method Ibiki taught you to go against enemies torturing you. Repeating your own codename and number over and over in your head, fixating your whole body on those two simple fact, totally burying yourself under your identity as an Anbu and shutting yourself completely of off your emotional world. It took a whole load of your determination, but you mastered the technic nearly to perfection.  
“Tiger, 04591. Tiger, 04591. Tiger, 04591. Tiger, 04591. Tiger.”  
There was nothing but you and your Anbu-identity. You drowned yourself in the simplicity, in the nearly perfect porcelain face in your mind. It swallowed everything.  
The worries. The anxiety. The fantasies. The feelings.  
“Tiger, 04591. Tiger, 04591. Ti-!”  
A knock at your door. Three times, a pause between the second and third. It was Kakashis knocking. In an instant, your linear clear thoughts came to a stop, only to start spinning wildly again. “Coming!” you screamed and rushed over the one room serving as living room, was connected to a small kitchen and even smaller bedroom and an almost claustrophobic bathroom. But there was only simple furniture, thus there was enough space for at least three people to sit idly and chat around the kotatsu in the middle of all. Not that you invited many people over.  
“I hope not immediately, my visit here would be meaningless.” was the first thing coming from Kakashi, who stood the hands buried in the pockets of his jounin pants outside, a sly smile wearing around. You thought again about what you said and blushed furiously when you got the innuendo. 

“Kakashi! You’re bad!” Squealing you spun around and walked back inside, listening to the soft chuckle and the sound of the closing door. You were nervous. Your heartbeat nearly skyrocketed, the palms of your hands were sweaty and the efforts of looking good surely went down the drain by now, but nevertheless you felt happy as Kakashi entered the room fully, stripping of his sandals and getting out of the spare Konoha vest. Only his headband was missing to complete his usual attire. You knew what he drank, so while preparing a cup of green tea, you chatted a bit, mostly about this and that, but not getting to the main point.   
If you had the chance to step out of your body right now, you would do it instantly and hit the stupid blabberish person you became in the proximity of Kakashi and the upcoming events. Only when you sat down in front of him and looked across the kotatsu, your mouth fell silent and the silver haired ninja was able to get some words of his own in.  
“You’re nervous. I can understand that. Don’t worry, we will do this slowly and if you feel uncomfortable, we will stop. Okay?”  
You nodded, fiddling with the hems of your loose tank. It felt around your figure, revealing your neck and breastline, but not too much to make you feel like a prostitute. Once in a while if you would move suddenly the peeks of the matching red bra would be shown, but you didn’t mind it in front of him.   
Kakashi cupped the still warm porcelain of his already empty mug, enjoying the heat seeping through flesh and bones, then continued, an unbelievable gentle tone swaying in his words. “(Name), would you please tell me how much you actually know about sex?”  
“Except for the theoretical lessons at the academy?” you asked back and sighed again. “Books. Lots and lots of dirty books.”  
“And when you read ‘dirty books’,” he made quote marks with his fingers, “then why you despise the Icha-Icha-series so much?”  
“Jirayia wrote them while peeking at women in the hot springs.”  
“That’s no reason.”  
“…” You felt a blush raising. Suddenly Kakashi choked and coughed loudly, what made you worry, but then he regained his composure. His upper face was almost unnoticeable clenched as he looked at you. “He watched… you too?” he said, voice raspy and strained.  
You nodded and averted his eyes. For you it was incredible embarrassing to admit that an old pervert managed to catch a gaze at your naked body and also clothed the image into words, for thousands of people to read and jerk off to.   
“Which… chapter?”  
While reading the booklet, you discovered maybe the most disturbing thing in your whole life, excluding the strong feelings you had for your best friend. It had taken some time, but then you were furious, out of your mind, simply fuming in disgust and anger. Only Kakashi had been able to stop you, and only because you realized in his proximity that he had read the particular chapter too. And exclaimed once loudly (another night out with you) that it was one of his favorites.  
So you fidgeted on your place, before deciding it didn’t hurt to tell him that too, after the jounin now knew you were one of the many females used as inspiration for Jirayias smutty novels. “Well. The scene where the woman fingers herself, knowing there are people peeping.”  
For a second you thought the silver scarecrow breathed rashly in, but as you dared to look up from the kotatsu, Kakashi was as unemotional as always, giving you enough time to recover from the humiliation.

“So you don’t masturbate at all or why are you blushing?”  
“What!?” Your head resembled by now a tomato, you were sure. How could Kakashi talk so calmly about this topic, without even a hint of redness tainting his face? It should be forbidden to be this perverted. The copy ninja cocked his head, obviously amused by your extreme reaction.   
“First: How many times you masturbate during a week? Then, how do you do it? Do you use toys or only your fingers, do you have special fantasies or such, anything that arouses you more than other things?”  
He was enjoying that. God, you saw the signs of his covered smirk just as clearly as you could see the rising moon (if you would turn your head to throw a glance outside).  
You shut your eyes closed and shook wildly your head. “Why are you asking that? What have my masturbation preferences to do with having sex?”  
“Ooh, it has a whole lot to do with it.” Only he was able pull that off; the feat of looking handsome while asking such perverted questions. “Sex isn’t only about satisfying your partner. It’s mainly about yourself. When your partner isn’t willing to follow your wishes, you’ll leave his bed immediately. Someone like that isn’t worth to sleep with, not to speak about bringing him –or her!- to orgasm. And how do you want to know what your preferences are or get them across if you never think or talk about it?”

It made sense. So you swallowed your dignity with a sip of your water glass and started to give Kakashi the information he apparently needed. “Well. U-uhm… Around three times a week, I believe. When I have a tough mission the times get higher, to get some of the stress out of my system.”  
“Say it properly. Don’t be shy.”  
“Okay. I masturbate before, on and after missions. I don’t have any toys or such, but sometimes,” at this time you looked embarrassed at your crossed legs, “I use clones to get me off.”  
“Really?” Interested Kakashi leaned forward. “Do you leave them in their female form or do you transform them into a man?”  
“I leave them female. I make them… lick me.”  
“Ever used your fingers?”  
“Sure. On missions you can’t just summon a clone, every enemy would notice the change in chakra.” You noticed it was easier to talk about your sexual likes than you originally believed. Almost comfortable you sat there and had even a small smile on your face, while Kakashi had his chin rested into his palm, the elbow propped at the small table they were sitting at. The situation almost resembled one of your late-night-talks you had so many times when both of you were younger. After the fourth shinobi war the talks increased again, chatting about the day, the political situation, problems around the village. It calmed your tensed nerves in more than one way.  
But his next question threw you out of your new found confidence.  
“And your fantasies?”  
You couldn’t possibly tell him that every of your fantasies spun around him. That you dreamed about his body working above yours, his hands massaging your butt and breasts, his mouth on every inch of your skin. Thus you concentrated on the general scenarios you were able to think of and found especially arousing. “Depends on my mood. Sometimes I find being tied up exciting, sometimes just rough sex. Then there are other t-things…”  
“Which would be?”  
“All varieties, honestly. Having sex with another female, having a threesome, 69, oral, anal, dressing up, fingering…” You fell silent.  
Kakashi nodded in understanding. “Okay. Since you were honest with me, I’m being honest with you. Let’s see…” His orbs wandered to the ceiling as he thought, while your heart accelerated once more. You never expected to hear some of his sex fantasies in return, but now you were so happy you were sincere just now.  
The silver haired man tilted his head in amusement at your openly displayed joy. “My, there’s someone eager to start the lessons, aren’t we?” he asked and winked in a mischievous way at you. “Personally I go along with your list, but for me, dominating someone is also arousing. Not to talk about a bit of spanking or dirty words, role-plays, sex in public places and so on.”

“And you did all that?” you asked and snorted in unbelief as he nodded. “Unbelievable.”  
Kakashi shrugged slyly. “Had time on both hands. And sometimes it was for a mission. Nothing to be proud of.”   
“Only persons who have lots of sex can say that.” you murmured with a pout.   
“Ah, now you’re complaining about my experience? You will be glad I have plenty.”  
“No, now I’m more worried about all the diseases you could have.”  
“Oh, come on (Name)!” Acting hurt Kakashi threw his hands into the air, while you giggled at the childish behavior of your friend. “I’m clean!”  
“Nevertheless, I have these,” you reached behind you into a shelf and tugged a hidden box of condoms out and placed it at the table, “purchased and ready. Besides, the cleaning up afterwards must be a mess.”  
Suddenly the atmosphere changed. Before it was light and playful, now the air around you two was thick, brought up by the package sitting between them. It was a visible sign of what they would do and no matter how calm and collected Kakashi seemed to be, even he would get nervous at the sight of sleeping with a friend. You were no exception from the rule. You fidgeting around, clutching your hands and drying your sweating palms on your jeans.  
Startled you flinched as Kakashi moved, only a little shift in his body. He stopped, arms raised into the air and stretching the limbs and looked with his mysterious eyes at you. “(Name), everything is alright. Don’t be scared.”  
You rolled your eyes. “I’m not scared, I’m nervous. I don’t want to fail you.”  
“Listen.” The jounin stood slowly up, stretched again and walked around the kotatsu, pulling you up when he was in reach. In an instant you were flushed against his front and your faces nearly touched as he lowered his head, mask still in place. Nevertheless his breath ghosted over your lips and you remembered the kiss from the night before. “First I will take care of you, nothing less.” Kakashis arm circled your waist, the other hand went up and started to tug a rebellious strand behind your ear. Your breath hitched as he did that. “Then we can continue. What do you think?”  
“As good as any other plan.”  
“Then you accept?”  
You nodded. His smell was surrounding and luring you in, making you unable to think clearly. Your girlish heart fluttered when his slender fingers curled around the edges of the black mask and you closed your eyes and waited for the kiss. 

His lips were soft when you two met. Just like yesterday, he was gentle, but then you took the first step forward. After all he said you were a good kisser. Opening your mouth for him, you sucked eagerly at his lips and moaned when Kakashi came to life. Like an animal he started to devour you and swept away by the force, the only thing you could do was opening up and letting him have his way. It was even better than the last time. You whimpered desperately and clawed to his chest, your fingers fisted into the thick material of his sweatshirt, swaying back and forth as the fight of your tongues prolonged.   
Then Kakashi groaned and backed away. Barely strained he breathed and you shuddered at the delicate sensation of his air brushing over your face. “Undress.” he ordered. “Please.” the male added after a second of thinking.  
Your superior hadn’t to beg. Before the last syllable even left his mouth, you had hauled the tank over your head and you grinned inwardly when you heard the gasp at the sight of the silky underwear. “Surprised?” Feeling cocky you stuck your tongue out, eyes still shut and waited for an answer.  
A cool finger caressed the rims of the cloth. “I didn’t know you favored such rich undergarments.” The finger slid partly over skin, partly over fabric. The ministration made you tremble, out of anxiety and anticipation what would come next. “It’s not like I ever let them laying around when you come in.” you whispered.  
“What a shame. They look good on you. To make up for the lost time, you should lose your pants too, don’t you think?” he retorted instantly.   
Your hands reached for the buttons of your pants, then stopped shortly before touching the metal. “Only if you also undress. And I want to see your face.”  
“I never forbid you to look at me.”  
“So I’m allowed to see?”  
“Yes (Name).”  
You opened your eyes. The first thing you noticed about Kakashis uncovered features was the beauty mark under his mouth, a single dark spot in an otherwise flawless face. Then your orbs raked over all the other details and unconsciously your mouth fell lightly open. Underneath his black mask the always slightly perverted male hid a gorgeous appearance. No wonder he wore it. All his admirers would flock him the whole day if they knew. Then your eyes dropped lower and you gasped at the sight. Your fantasies were interior to the reality. His body was trimmed to be a weapon, what had the nice side effect of being extremely appealing. The whole package: abs, nicely developed pectoral muscles and shoulders and sharp waistbones, luring you in to trail them to feel if they were just as hard as they looked.   
“Like what you see?” Kakashis smug smirk was also handsome and you shook your head at the sight.   
“As if you need any compliments. You know you’re beautiful.”  
“I would not call myself beautiful. Some say I’m handsome or good-looking, others call it gorgeous or at least nice.”  
Again you looked up and down and inwardly wiped the drool dripping out of your mouth away. Outwardly you only raised your eyebrow and tried not to stare when his left pectoral muscle twitched. “The sight is enjoyable.” Then you returned to wiggle your jeans down your legs and as you stood only in your underwear in front of him, it felt good to see his eyes copied your own from just a few seconds ago. Eagerly he took the sight of you in, trailing up and down and not deciding on one point, like Kakashi couldn’t decide what he liked best. 

Then he looked into your eyes, still mysterious and for you attractive. “I always thought you were good-looking.” he said quietly.   
Surprised you totally forgot about the marvelous sight in front of you. “Really?”  
Kakashi nodded. “It’s the whole package. On any other person your eyes or nose would look ordinary, but assembled in your face, they become marvelous. Not to talk about the other generous assets of yours.”   
In your stomach lit a warm light up. A smile spread on your lips, born out of the realization Kakashi found you attractive. You, out of all people. Suddenly he laid a finger on your mouth, his own features concentrated. “And I especially like that smile of yours. Don’t let them tell you otherwise. You’re beautiful, never forget that.”   
“Then I can confess too, huh?” Smiling you got on your toes and boldly licked over his neck, trailing the muscles and shortly sucking at the pulse point. No one said you didn’t learn anything out of books and that particular move was out of the Icha-Icha-novel you had read once. Kakashi trembled and tightened his hold around your waist. “That I find you attractive.” you whispered back and snickered when he breathed rashly out.  
“Makes it easier for you to accept my lessons.”  
“Can we start now? It’s a bit cold only in my panties and bra.” Truth to be told, the heat boiling inside of you was enough to warm you sufficiently, but he didn’t need to know. But you were glad you let your comment sound so joking he laughed lowly; a sound which resonated deep in your loins. “Alright. Didn’t know you were so eager. Would you like your first time here or in your bed?”  
“Here?” You gestured to the cramped space around you two. “In my bed there’s at least enough space to toss and turn, so from a practical point of view it should be logical to go there.”  
“Fine by me.” Quickly he got rid of his jounin pants and before you could look at the tent in his boxers, he shoved you to your bedroom. Inside he guided you to the comfy furniture, his legs pushing into your backside. You gulped, in your hand the box of condoms. But the silver haired man pushed your hand down and smiled, displaying a pair of amazing dimples on his cheeks. “I said I would take care of you first. So no protection needed. For now.”

“O-okay.” Quickly you climbed onto the bed, unsure what to do. But Kakashi joined shortly after, his hands sliding over your legs upwards to your hips, only to come to a halt at the red fabric. You moaned weakly, what earned you a chuckle from him. “Sensitive. Good to know.”  
Another stroke over your hips, then his fingers slipped under the cloth and dragged it down. With a bit of help from you the panties were discarded, followed by the bra. Your breasts sprang free and your nipples were hard and pointed at the ceiling, dark red against the rest of your skin. Kakashi looked at them, while you were already a heated and lightly panting mess, squirming under his intense stare.   
“Kakashi… Please, don’t tease me.” You begged him to continue, pressing in the same moment your lower regions against the boner he spotted and rubbing it with slow gyrating motions (another move from the Icha-Icha-novels).  
“As you wish.” he retorted. The kiss didn’t come surprising, nevertheless you gasped out when his warm lips meet yours. It was searing; just like the hands fondling and pinching your breasts in the same rhythm of the flicks of his tongue. A new sensation, stronger than ever before grew in your chest and you wished he would never stop his magic, but eventually he slipped further down. Kisses were laid all over your jawline, neck and breasts, still aching and swollen by the previous ministrations. You whimpered when Kakashi closed his mouth around the right nipple and sucked strongly and your hands flew to his head to lock him there forever. “Kakashi!”  
He hummed in response, but not let go from you and the sweet cries you let out. Even for yourself you found the sounds embarrassing. So weak, so needy, far too girly. Not at all like you. However Kakashi seemed to like them, if the bite into the tortured flesh was an indicator.  
“Aah!” Your back arched into the suck and your fingers clawed into his feathery mane, drawing him as close as possible.   
“That wasn’t all. So would you be so kind…” he spoke against your breast and you hastily released his head from your death-like grip. “Sorry.” you mumbled and felt how your face grew hot. “I didn’t expect that to feel so good.”  
Kakashi chuckled and gave you a last lick, making you moan loudly. “Promise, from here on it will only get better.” Then he quickly switched to your aching core, what made you pant heavily out. Just the sight was erotic, his silver hair glistening in the moonlight falling through the small window to your right, hovering between your legs and hands resting at your knees, parting them gently. His warm breath crashed with the prominent wetness between your legs, making you unconsciously squirm and flinch.

Then everything got blurry. His tongue lapped your overflowing juices up, feasting on your womanhood and making your cry out. “Kakashi!”  
Your imagination was definitively lacking, so the clones which had ate you out until now. Nothing could compare to the sheer skill the male displayed. Not your fingers, not your clones, not any of the toys you eyed in a sex shop once in a while, but were too shy to actually purchase them. Sucking at the clit, Kakashi massaged your wet hole, circling, dipping shortly in and stroking over it, but never actually penetrating you. His fingers produced wet sounds, somehow squishy and hearable even through your whimpers and pleads. He tortured you, showing you hints of the sweet heaven waiting, only to retreat everytime you nearly fell over the edge. You were so near. Tingles wandered all over your skin and you heaved, sweat pouring all over your body and trembling limbs. You were so near, but Kakashi only played around. He did nothing to finish what he started, so you pushed your hips into his face, signaling him to hurry up.   
Chuckling he obliged and your throat escaped a sharp cry when his fingers entered. One digit curled inside you, then the second followed. Pumping in. A suck, a lick and another suck, longer lasting than the first. Curling his fingers again and waiting until you rocked your hips in response, then a quick bite into your clit and Kakashi started a harsh rhythm, fucking your hole until you arched your back and panted incoherently out, moaning all over the place and eagerly humping his face. “Aah, mo-! AAH! More, more, faster, harder, please!”   
And so he speed up, sucking, licking and flicking and you were thrown into the sweet oblivion. Screaming you came, the heat exploding in the pit of your stomach. The delicious tiredness washed over you, together with the amazing afterglow. Still panting you loosened the grip from his mane and patted Kakashis head. “Amazing.”  
“Told you.” Smugly grinning he raised from your middle and crawled upwards, until Kakashi was able to kiss you. You tasted yourself and alone that fact made you wanting more from oral sex. And not only that, also the massive hard-on pressing into your flank and rocking up and down made you crave for the next step, the actual deflowering. He seemed to have the same opinion.  
“You’re so sweet when you come.” Kakashi whispered into your ear as he reached out to the package and got a condom. With expertise he ripped the plastic away and placed the preservative for a second on your stomach. A nice, cool contrast to your sweat glistening skin. “And very loud.”  
“Apparently when somebody else is involved I can’t keep my profile low.” you whispered back, still on a high. You watched with half-lidded eyes how the ninja wiggled out of his boxer shorts, revealing a big and already dripping erection. The tip pointed at his belly button, red and shimmering from the pre-cum. Before you could inspect the interesting part of his anatomy further, he rolled the condom over the hard-on and started to nibble at your neck, pressing in between some growled words out of his mouth. 

“As long as we have this lessons going on, we won’t sleep with anyone else. Understood?” The last word was more the sound of an angry dog, but you catched it nevertheless. You nodded quickly, happy about the including of himself. It was out of the question that you would get another partner beside Kakashi, but that he forbid himself from getting another one was a pretty big concession.   
“Good.” Suddenly the man rolled them around. His weight pressed you into the cushions and you couldn’t suppress the little hiss from coming out, born from the resurfacing pleasure flooding your stature. He latched on your lips once more, hands gripping your wrists and pinning them over your head. It excited you; and you moaned in enjoying satisfaction about one of your fulfilled fantasies.   
“Be a good girl and let them there.” he ordered. Kakashis voice was the ones of an Anbu captain, familiar with orders and ready to give out punishment if the order wasn’t followed. So you nodded, hastily and sighing out when he kissed you again. Your tongues entwined; swirling and tickling each other in the sweetest possible way. At the same time the silver haired ninja teasingly rubbed his length over your entrance, shuddering in his own ministrations.   
The plus of not being able to touch him was that Kakashi was in total control. It was easy to just let go of your usual restraints, emotional and physical. You moaned into his mouth, bucked your hips, wrapped your left leg around his waist and instinctively searched for more contact, all the while your hands were neatly folded above your head. You tested the boundaries of his order, until he growled a silent warning and removed himself from you. “Stay still.”  
Despite the harshly uttered words, his hands were gentle as he positioned himself in front of your entrance. You trembled in anticipation and begged him to go on, to finally be inside you, but he shook his head. “Not yet (Name). Not yet.”  
“Why not?” you cried out and threw your head back. The head of his dick was scraping over your womanhood, however he retreated with the reflexes of a shinobi.   
“Because I want to enjoy this moment. You were always my friend, but since some time I had those fantasies about you. First I struggled, but then I had no other choice but to relieve myself over the images piling up. God,” he shifted and pushed his erection into you, “finally I can feel you around me.”  
You were confused, by the emotions running amok and his words. But you quickly forgot about them, since there was something bigger than two fingers easing its way inside your folds. Your hymen broke during your teenage years at an especially hard training, but nevertheless it hurt as Kakashi moved forward, always watching your face for a sign of pain. And he found it everytime. Everytime you only wrinkled your nose at a sting, the jounin stopped, waited for you to reconcile and getting accustomed to his size, then Kakashi continued. Like that you didn’t even listen to his hushed whisperings. They were drowned out by the blood rushing loudly in your ears and your own heartbeat, fast and unrelenting. Incredible warmth seeped through your limbs and insides and unconsciously smiling you gasped when Kakashi was fully sheeted. A quick grin flashed over his face as he looked down on you, still bound by only his words and rocking your hips back and forth. “Ah, (Name)… I ask myself now for a while how loud you can actually get. That here will answer the burning question.” He angled his hips another time like he searched for something, then locked their lips again and you happily opened up, both your mouth and legs.

Slowly he pulled out of you, never breaking the kiss, so there was no other choice but to groan in his wet cavern while the tightness and delicious friction increased due to the movement. Gently Kakashi set a comforting pace, all the while kissing and only giving space when the need for air became unbearable. You moaned softly everytime he was fully inside you and the twinkle in his eyes as your arms didn’t move one inch from their place over your head told you he liked the power he had over you. So when he started to get rougher, sure that you could handle it, Kakashi watched you intently, face so close that you were able to see minimal wrinkles at the canthus of his eyes and between his eyebrows.   
You whimpered. A high tone, echoing between the walls and surely not like your usual self escaped you when he hit with more force than before a special spot inside you, making you buck your hips unconsciously. Kakashi grunted satisfied and increased the pace, hitting the same spot over and over again. Soon the sound of skin slapping against skin was overbearing any other sound. More than once the silver haired man bit into his lower lip, but his eyes were fixated on your face. You on the other side were too occupied with dealing with all those new emotions and feelings. Tossing you pressed your cleavage against his chest and screamed out when Kakashis hips gyrated, feeling that the peak you searched to desperately for was drawing near. “Kakash-! Ah! More, please, more!”  
He laughed and shivers were crawling down your spine. “Beg me.”  
“Please Kakashi! Give me more!” You cried frustrated out when he paused and for the first time you were tempted to move your arms, just to see what he would do if you wouldn’t oblige. But then he said something which enlightened a huge spark of desire inside your loins and the temptation faded into the background.  
“Say clearly what I should do with you.” he stated, enjoying he had the upper hand. “Say it.”  
“Please, Kakashi…” For some moments you were confused what he meant, because obviously it wasn’t sufficient to just beg. Your friend wanted something else, maybe something… more? “Fuck me. Fuck me with your hard cock until I can’t breathe, until I forget my own name and scream yours so loud even the last civilian in the village knows it.”  
A sly grin spread on his lips and you really screamed out as he started to move again. It had been the right thing. Fast and unrelenting Kakashi took you, giving you no time to get accustomed to his pushes. You didn’t mind though. Your eyes surely crisscrossed when he started to suck at your breasts, changing between them once in a while and massaging the other with his free hand.   
He came first. In the end he just pounded into you, too dazed to notice you wouldn’t be able to go straight after him. For the first time a small scream rippled from his mouth and he trembled heavily in the orgasm. You felt the pulsating of his slowly deflating cock, however just when he pulled out, his hands found their way to your clit and pinched it almost evilly. That little sting brought you over the edge and you cried out too. He continued to tease your clit, making your breath come out with ridiculous high whimpers. Black spots appeared in your field of vision and your whole body felt in a strangely good way numb and heavy. Your legs spasmed and only now your arms moved away from their appointed spot, bowing and bending into the force of the climax. Kakashi collapsed at your side; heaving and sweaty. The loud breathing sounds resounded throughout the room and the cool air ghosted over your sweat-stained neck, while you just closed your eyes and dwelled in the satisfying afterglow. Your shoulders touched lightly and his narrow waist bumped sometimes into your soft hip when one of you moved. Now you understood why some people couldn’t get enough of sex. It was truly addicting.

“Incredible.” you sighed directed at the ceiling and turned your head to look at Kakashi, a lazy grin on your lips. “Can we do it again?”  
Your friend groaned, but returned the smile just as exhausted as you. “I know that face.”  
“Huh?”  
“It’s the face of someone who just discovered sex.” His smile turned crocked. “Just give me some minutes, then we can continue.”  
A thought came to your mind. Chuckling you kissed his neck until your soft kiss turned into a firm suck, leaving a hickey at the pale skin, then dipped lower. “Surely I can help you with recovering.” you purred as seductive as possible. Under your hands his chest flexed in the ministrations you gave to the man and he groaned loudly when you mimicked him and licked at his nipples like a cat. He tasted salty, due to the sweat on his skin, but there was also something lingering beneath. Something unmistakable belonging to the scarecrow. Under your tongue the rough nub perked up and you hummed in response when you heard a deep groan vibrating through the wide ribcage.  
“(Name)… Enough.”  
You stopped and raised your index finger to his eyes. “No-oooo, not yet. The first time you could dominate me, now it’s my turn.”   
For some seconds Kakashi just looked at you, then let his head fall back into the pillows, offering himself to you. You took the invitation and returned to his flat chest. No way you would miss such a delicious feast and inwardly snickering at the interesting stifled moans he produced you caressed his body, copying Kakashi in more than one way.   
Soon the male recovered enough to exchange the used condom for a new one and energized joined the play. That night he taught you more than all the Icha-Icha-novels could and you didn’t held back when it was about pleasuring him in return. At the end, the darkness already started to fade at the horizon, you were comfortable sore in all the right places, had hickeys at your neck and also some at your inner thighs, snuggled into the blankets and spooned by Kakashi, who uttered silently the question if he could just stay. You grumped wordless back and had tugged as an answer the covers also over him.   
“Thanks.” he gave back and squeezed gently your middle, before he pressed his front into your back and went in a flash to sleep.  
You enjoyed the loving embrace, but then remembered it was just the help of a friend, not the touch of a lover. Sadness washed over you, but merciless you ignored it. The genius was still in love with Rin and forbid himself from letting someone else in his life. In fear he would forget about his buried comrade. It was his way of repenting for his mistakes, you knew it, but there was still the stupid spark of hope lightening up inside your heart when you felt the warm exhales brushing over the back of your neck and his arms slung around your waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was the second chapter.
> 
> First fanfic and right away a lemon... I don't know why I did this, but it needed to be written down. ;)  
> Just let me know how did you liked it, so I can try to improve myself.   
> Have a nice day! :D


	3. Final Chapter

“Harder! Kakashi, fuck me harder!”  
His hips speed up and pounded without hesitation into you. Your mouth escaped a weak cry and you clawed into the walls in front of you. “Right there, don’t stop, yes~!” you mewled lewd out as he hit the G-point over and over and threw your head back, helplessly rocking on your legs while Kakashi took your from behind.  
During the last two weeks he came every evening into your home. Sometimes he masked the visits with an excuse of a shared meal or took you first somewhere before dragging your into a dark alley or such, sometimes he just barreled in and started to devour you. Both options had their good points and you liked them the same, but today it had been the second. One moment you prepared for a mission and cleaned your Anbu-armor, the next he was behind you and pushed you up against the wall, biting into the soft flesh of your neck and pressing his erection between your ass cracks.   
You were never fucked from behind before, so you gasped surprised out when his hard-on reached with the changed angle new places, but enjoyed the new sensations nevertheless. Until now you enjoyed everything he showed you, from the round of steamy action in the back of Ichiraku’s, while his students ate there to the threesome with clones (once with a doppelganger of Kakashi, once with one of yours). At the same time the love and desire to spill your feelings for the silver haired ninja grew with each meeting and each ministration you shared with him, but so your hesitation grew. Nothing had changed for him. He only saw you as a friend who he helped with his experience, just like he helped his students train or did exercises with Gai, who still had to recover from his injury he received during the war.   
You knew you were weak for not resisting his advances more, but you couldn’t help it. Kakashis hands on your hips felt so great, just like his member fit so perfectly inside your fold and turned your world upside-down. Luckily you were assigned to some work for the Anbu, maybe you could wash your addiction for his body out of your system with a bit of blood and gore and a long chase after a criminal.   
An especially hard pound threw you out of your thoughts. You screamed shocked and behind you Kakashi growled possessively. “Where were you just now, huh?” His grip turned painful, but it only added to your lust. “Of whom were you thinking about?”  
“No one!”  
“Don’t lie to me (Name)! Who was in your thoughts? Who?”  
Crying your knees buckled, but the man pressed you only harder into the wall, not caring that the frail white plaster started to fall down from his hard fucks. This Kakashi was the one which turned you on the most. He gave orders and could carry out punishment if you don’t followed, unmoving when you begged for more and only giving in when you whispered the safeword. He knew your preference and used it to his advantage and you let him take the control more than willingly. 

Sobbing you shook your head as he asked you again the same question, his voice unforgiving and cold as ice. “No one! No one! There wasn’t-!”  
“Don’t lie!” he hissed and pulled out of you. You got no time to weep about the sudden loss of friction. Kakashi spun you around and slammed your back again into the wall. He was still in his clothes, only the fly of his pants was hastily opened when he had entered you. As a stark contrast you were naked. Faster than you had processed it, he had discarded your clothes completely and now it added to the turmoil of lust burning your guts. Trembling in need and desire you whimpered when his intense eyes stared into yours as he leaned closer, his big hands holding you into place. “I know you were thinking of someone.” he said dangerously low. “Your responses are delayed when you’re distracted. So tell me now,” a snarl swayed in his words, “of whom you were thinking. Or I will leave right now.”  
“No! You can’t do that!”  
“I will, if you don’t tell me the truth immediately.”  
You swallowed. You were so close to the climax. And if he would go away, then nothing you would do would satisfy your needs so good like the scarecrow could. And it would be the last time before the mission, so at least for a week your body had to survive without Kakashis touch. So you hastily jumped to a decision when he sighed in faked disappointment and stepped backwards. “You! I was only thinking about you!”  
He halted, eyes shadowed by his gravity-defying hair. “Is that your answer?”   
“Yes!” you cried and reached out to him, desperate for the next touch, the next penetration. “The only thing I can think about is you when you’re inside me, there’s no other person! Please, believe me!” Your hand gripped into his upper arm and your tone grew pleading when you searched for his eyes. “How could I think about another man while you are fucking me so hard I can’t remember my own name, Kakashi. How could I be able to?”  
Suddenly you found yourself again pressed to the wall and your lips locked with his. The kiss was desperate and searing, like it was the last time you would press your lips together, like your tongues would never met this way again. You poured everything into it; every lesson he blessed you with, every motion you came up yourself and every last ounce of your emotions for your friend. But you also noticed a slight change in him. You couldn’t describe the minimal difference in stance and behavior, the only thing you could do was respond to every weak angling of his head. Automatically you slung one leg around his waist, shortly thanking your education as a ninja to make you so flexible. It had been useful in more than one way over the last weeks. Kakashis member rubbed teasingly over your whole slit and you moaned into his mouth as he pushed you up and arranged you to his liking.  
The first entering was rough. Unable to hold the kiss any longer, you threw your head back and gasped out. A dull pain in the back was the prize for it, but you didn’t care at all. Only the slow bucks of his hips counted, the tight embrace around you and his lips nibbling all over your neck, here and there biting and sucking strongly. “Kakashi!”  
“Nnrgh.” His fingers wandered to your butt and suddenly slipped into your other hole. You squirmed, shocked at the bold action, but so overthrown by the sting of pain and double penetration that you came on the point. Squirming you bit down into his shoulder to muffle your weak pleas and cries, drawing blood, while he continued to pound into you. Then he stilled, trembled and let his head fall forward, resting the forehead to your shoulder. His cock pulsated inside you, filling the condom with his seed, but nevertheless it felt so glorious to feel the twitches of the deflating organ.

After a while you loosened your arms around Kakashis neck. “Let me down now. I still have to prepare for my new assignment.”  
Kakashi nodded and pulled out. You hissed as a light pain flashed through your lower body, but it faded fastly away. Still naked you searched for your clothes on the ground, in your back the man cleaned himself up. He threw the used condom away while you slipped into the black pants of an elite ninja and when you controlled the last of the straps of your chest armor, Kakashi came back from the bathroom, drying his hands on his own pants. He looked at you, arms crossed and leaning relaxed against the doorframe, but there was a special tension in his posture that innerved you to the very core.   
“How long you will be gone?” he asked.  
“A week at least. But the missing nin this time isn’t much of a challenge, so maybe we will return earlier.” You unsheathed your tanto. There was a little scrap on the surface, but you had no time to fix it yet. In the silver blade you could see the crocked reflection of your fuck buddy (your heart hurt at the sarcastic comment of your mind).  
“Okay.”  
Satisfied with the sharpness of your sword, you went into your bedroom and reached under the bed. There was a loose board and underneath the board your Anbu-mask waited for the mission. The cold porcelain was formed like the maw of a tiger. Your codename. Wild and untamed, but also a silent hunter and capable of striking its enemies down without mercy. Kakashi had joked about it when he discovered long red scratches at his back after a lesson, resembling the claws of a tiger.  
In the living room Kakashi moved. His clothes ruffled slightly in the motion. “My team and I will also head out. I don’t know how long it will take, but I will inform you when we come back.” he said calmly, however goose bumps appeared at your arms at the casual tone.  
Something was strange. His voice wasn’t like usual, only a minimal vibration gave him away. Someone with less knowledge about the secretive man would’ve never noticed, however you did. You stuck your head out of your bedroom and watched your friend, how he looked absent minded at his toes. “Is everything okay?” you asked and tilted your head.  
Kakashi didn’t react. So you asked again, now with more worry in your voice. Only then he flinched, then his eyes locked with yours, the usual aura of relaxed nonchalance surrounding his frame. “I believe you learned everything from me I can teach you.”  
You blinked in confusion. “What?”  
“We can end our lessons now. There’s no need to continue. You’re good at sex.”  
Trembling hands. A painfully clutching heart. You felt cold on the inside while you listened to him. You tried to control your breathing and swallowed the questions down which dwelled and nodded. Kakashi was only a friend. During your agreement nothing changed for him and you could only accept his decision to end it.   
You had no right to protest. It wasn’t like he knew about your feelings.   
You forced a smile on your lips. “Thanks for the compliment. But I had a great teacher.”  
“A teacher is only as good as his student. Anyway,” he sighed deeply and unfolded his arms, “we’re still friends, right?”  
There was nothing you could do. Even if you would pour all your feelings out for him, your friendship would only get stained by them. He was in love with a dead girl and in general a horny pervert. Surely it had been two relaxed weeks for Kakashi, because the only thing he had to do to get sex was coming to you.   
“Sure thing.” Lying was your second nature. Your smile widened on instinct. “It’s not like I fell now head over heels for you.”  
That happened long before his teachings. Nevertheless it hurt when Kakashi nodded again and walked over to your door like nothing ever happened between you. But you couldn’t move. Your heart was heavy and the mask in your hand trembled while you watched the man disappear. He waved, you waved back, then the door closed with a resolute snap. 

The rest of the day was blurry to you. Like an automat you followed the routine for an Anbu-mission: report to the Hokage, briefing, team assembling at the gates, sprints through the crown of trees. The only thing which ruled your mind was the indirect rejection you received.   
There were no tears. You had no chance to begin with. Only the hope inside you died which bloomed during those weeks and you blamed yourself for originally believing there would be hope for a relationship between Kakashi and you. Everything was dull, but not your heart. With every move it clenched in pain, reminding you of all the things you two did and shared and that every secret fantasy you created was in vain.  
Holding hands. Hugging. Simple loving caresses, not meant to be sexual. Kisses, gentle and sometimes not so gentle, only meant to get your returned feelings across. Only sleeping in one bed, Kakashi spooning you from behind. His breath in your back, ruffling the short tresses on your neck, telling you he was asleep, but his arms were still slung around your body.  
A sob rippled in your chest. But there was a time and place for crying and surely it wasn’t now and on the way to kill a fleeing man. So you closed off the feelings, tied them up, stuffed a dirty cloth into the mouth and threw them into a faraway corner of your mind. You had a job. And nothing would hinder you from doing your fucking job.   
A mere tool in the hands of Konoha. Serve and obey, without an emotion. Maybe it was a better way of living.  
Your mates must realize you weren’t your usual self, but thankfully they didn’t press anything. You fulfilled the tasks given to you: patrols, cooking and scouting, so there was no need to talk about emotions. Even the short fight between your squad and the missing nin (who was a pathetic fuck anyway) couldn’t rip you out of your melancholy.   
The situation which actually did was scary and stopped your heart for a few seconds.  
On the way back you dully searched for any sign of activity around and so noticed as the first the commotion. Silent you gave your team a handsign to get slower. From this point you three Anbus crouched through the leaves, always aware of any noise or other signs of movements around you. Soon your squad reached a clearing and your eyes grew wide when you realized what was going on just now.  
That dumbass Kakashi. Every fucking mission he managed to get into trouble. The silver haired jounin was in the middle of the open place, the blond jinchuriki and the pink female were nowhere to be found. But a few miles away birds flew into the sky, agitated by the high shriek of the trademark-attack of Uzumaki or maybe the ground-splittering punch of Haruno. The noise of an intense battle rummaged through the near forest, while your friend flashed through a reign of handsigns. Your sight was blinded by the Raikiri Kakashi just used against one of the enemies and you closed them for a moment, until a pained scream of the unlucky fool hit by the jutsu echoed over the clearing.  
Bear, a sturdy man and the tallest out of your team sneaked closer. “Shall we help?”  
The other man, one of the males who shit-chattered about you a few weeks ago, shook his head. Light was shortly reflected from the mouse face. “No. We have to get back. Hatake is able to handle that.”  
There were still twelve attackers. Around the feet of your friend already piled three corpses, freshly punctured by his electrical charged jutsu or just out cold. You didn’t believe Kakashi was able to stand his ground. Even for a genius there was the term ‘overpowered’; and Kakashi might be strong and experienced, but he got older, like everyone.   
Behind you Bear and Mouse continued their silent exchange, discussing about the pros and cons of helping the already injured shinobi, while you only watched with pain in your heart the man fight for his life. For you everything was clear. If he would manage to defeat all of them, you wouldn’t get involved. If there would be a situation he needed help, you would jump in, but not before that.   
“Stop that,” you hissed finally as the discussion threatened to get out of hand, “we will watch until the end, then react properly if there’s a need.”   
Mouse wanted to say something, but you stopped him with a sharp gesture and a glare. Kakashi just annihilated the next opponent with tai-jutsu, a swift kick to the chin of the taller man and he fell like a chopped tree. Like you he was extremely flexible, a fact he had proven numerous times to you. For a second the memories washed over you and you couldn’t suppress the little whimper rippling out of your mouth anymore. 

Then everything happened really fast and at the same time very slow.   
Behind Kakashi a guy creeped out of the bushes. The male moved with the grace of a shinobi, maybe another traitorous ninja on the run, who happened to encounter the group of vigilantes which Kakashi fought right now. You tried to sense the chakra, but to your shock there was nothing. The up-sneaking man blend into the natural chakra-flow of the forest around him, while he slowly made his way over to the copy ninja, one hand stuffed into the torn flak vest, the other outstretched. (In the back of your mind you recognized the similarities to the green-cladded student of Maito Gai, he also couldn’t be detected by ordinary sensory ninjas.)  
He had a long knife of the length of your forearm in his hands. The sharp tip glistened in the sunlight as he creeped over the grass, meanwhile the other enemies distracted Kakashi that he didn’t notice the approach during his wild fight. To your growing fear you realized your friend wasn’t able to sense the attack. You weren’t even sure if you would be able in the same situation, occupied by now eleven enemies and the back facing the sneaky assassin.  
You fidgeted around. The bark underneath your feet groaned weakly and Bear threw a gaze at you. Ten meter, eight, then only six meters parted your friend from the assassin. Dread struck your insides.  
Kakashi would get killed if you wouldn’t step up. He would get buried and you would stand at his grave, crying and regretting. It was better to die like an idiot than live like scum. Your decision was set. The threat was now only four meters away from Kakashi, who just started another rapid physical exchange with three enemies at once. You got ready to jump down.  
The knife blinked.  
You jumped out of the tree.  
The man raised the weapon over his head.   
Kakashi noticed the blur out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to you.  
With a growl you forced your legs to go faster.  
The assassin saw you and also speed up his attempt to kill your friend.  
The knife was lowered, a silver flash in your vision.  
There was not enough time. You did the only thing you could in your situation. Twirling around, you got a hold of your short sword and threw it with a twist at the assassin, in the same second the knife of him left his hand and flew over to Kakashi.   
But you predicted that. And that was the reason the sharp blade cut through your flesh and muscles. You felt the cold metal enter, piercing your chest directly between two bows of rips. Up to close you saw the man go down with you, your own weapon stuck in his throat. He was stupid and ripped violently at the knife, making his wound even bigger and his own death coming quicker. Blood spurted like a waterfall out of the male, a beautiful red arc in the clear air. At least you killed the man who tried to murder your friend. Then the time got back to normal. A low grunt escaped your lips as your side slammed into the ground, stones scraping through the fabric of your shirt and digging into your skin. The world tumbled around, sky and earth spinning in your narrowed vision until you faced the blue horizon above. At least you had a nice view while facing death.  
“(Name)!” In your back Kakashis desperate voice echoed in the air. The sound of blades meeting flesh and the screams of pain told you your comrades joined the fight, helping the ex-Anbu with the power in front of him. 

The pain was bearable as long as you didn’t move. Grimacing you looked down at the knife. To the handle stuck the knife in your chest. The sharp metal ripped your armor like paper and the tip peeked out of your back. A single, clean cut through your lung. A laugh gurgled inside, then you coughed, spit, laughed again. Blood started to ooze out of the wound, slowly coloring the white and black of your clothes in red. Just like the liquid dripped out of you, your life left your limbs. Your fingers were already numb, so were your toes and feet. You jittered and your tooth clicked in your trembles.   
It was so cold. Then you must’ve blacked out, because the next thing you noticed was the light stinging in your eyes. Someone had removed your mask and Kakashi looked down at you, worry edged into his covered features. “(Name)! No, not you too…” Desperately he shook his head, his eyes darting from your features to the threatening wound and back, unsure where to settle on.  
The memory of Kakashi seeing you for the first time in your fine underwear rose and you laughed again, well, tried. You choked on your own blood. It cloaked in your throat and you coughed heavily, before you smiled weakly at him. A single drop ran down, out of your mouth and over your chin. “Don’t. You live. Everything else,” another heavy coughing fit and pain teared finally through your body, “doesn’t matter.”  
His hands hovered over the handle, not sure if he should take it out or not. Then he decided otherwise and just slung his arms around you, careful and not touching the wound. “I can’t accept that. I can’t! You out of all people! No, I won’t accept your death.” he hissed. To your mild surprise a green light appeared around his fingers and the soothing aura of a healing jutsu entered your consciousness. When did Kakashi learn that? He never told you. But instead of accepting the healing, you forced your unresponsive hands to close around his, entangling your fingers and enjoying the last moments you could be with him. You could imagine the state of his chakra reserves very well, low and drained from a week of constant danger. The green light faded away as his concentration broke and you forced yourself to look properly at your beloved, thanking the heavens he was unharmed despite the countless minor cuts. There were something you had to spill. You had not much time left.   
“Don’t.” you repeated. “You need… chakra. Don’t waste it… on me.”  
“I will not lose you. I will not lose anyone!”  
“Listen Kakashi…”  
“There must be an option, Sakura just needs to arrive and-,”  
“I wanted… to tell you now… for a long time…”  
“-she can heal you, then you can return-,”  
“The last weeks were the best, because… I was able to spend them… with you.”  
“-We will laugh and talk like we did before, but please don’t leave me!”  
“The only thing… I wanted to say… the whole time…”  
“(Name), don’t! Don’t talk to me like you’re dying!”  
“I love you.”   
You saw the widening of his eyes. Shock, then quick realization flashed through him and you knew he never expected you to confess. Kakashi never expected that you had any deeper feelings for him. Still smiling you reached up and cupped his masked cheek, a single tear dropping from your eyelashes as you forced the last words out of your mouth, knowing it would be your death sentence.  
“I always loved you. And thanks… For everything.”  
Then your vision went black.

Screams and shouts.  
“Sakura! Over here!”  
A strong chest and a familiar voice which whispered into your ear, faintly telling you NOT TO DIE…  
Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. PAIN, ripping, tearing, cutting and sliding out.  
Flying. Through air and leaves. One fell to your chest and stayed there, until someone plugged it down from you.  
Chemicals, disgusting and underneath the scent of blood.   
White. Flashes of silver, grim and sharp, but also a softer tone, hovering always near you.  
Darkness. Merciful darkness. Calm. Nice.   
Words, hushed and strained. “Don’t leave me. I can’t live…”

You were confused. The last thing you remembered clearly was a clearing deep in the woods around Konoha and a horde of people gathering around Kakashi. Other frames of memories danced like small butterflies through the dazed widths of your mind, escaping everytime you tried to catch them.  
It was night when you awoke fully, your brain clear enough to actually recognize your surroundings. A little groan, not louder than the sounds of a cricket escaped you as you moved and pain, bearable but annoying, flashed through your body, focused around your chest. The pain caused your eyes to flutter open, revealing only different shades of white to you. After blinking hectically and making sure you weren’t blinded, you realized it must be the hospital of Konoha where you laid now, patched up and bandaged to hinder your intestines from falling out. The scent of disinfectant told you and you hissed again as you moved lightly, trying to find another position in bed.  
A groan startled you. Only a little lamp gave the white hospital room some light and illuminated a figure sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs you knew very well. His head rested near your hips at the white covers, arms crossed below the chin to make the position at least bearable. For some minutes you tried to remember why exactly Kakashi would stay even after the visiting times behind, then slowly some things came back to you.  
The flash of the knife. A terrible pain and the feeling not to be able to breathe properly. Screams, desperate and pleading you not to die.   
He slept soundly, so you just gazed at his upper face. Then, just as slow as a snail, you watched how your hand moved to the feathery scalp and ruffled through the hair, endeavored not to wake the male up. The warmth from the sleeping body seeped through your skin into your hands and your lips lifted into a faint smile at the sight how Kakashi leaned into your palm, only a slight shift in balance. It was so cute that your heart speed up.  
You didn’t know how much time passed (minutes? Hours?), but sometime his face wrenched in pain, eyes still closed. A nightmare tortured him.   
You gently rattled him awake. “Wake up. Come on Kakashi. Wake up.” You already knew the signs and you couldn’t watch him suffer in the horrible pictures of his mind.  
The ninja flinched, then his eyelids shut open. For a moment they were not fixated and still midway into sleep, but then his look cleared and he locked eyes with you. “You’re awake.” he mumbled and yawned, actually making the effort to cover his mouth despite the black mask sitting in his face.  
“You too.” you retorted.  
“For me it was just a quick nap.”  
“How long I was gone then?”  
“A week. The trauma of removing the knife was the real problem.”  
“The recovery time?”  
“A month. Maybe less if you not strain the impact zone.”  
Absent minded you stroked over the bandage wrapped around your torso. A month. You never were so injured to drop out of the active Anbu duty for a whole month. Inwardly you cringed at the innerving rehabilitation and always friendly nurses trying to help you with the simplest tasks. 

Kakashi leaned back into his chair, the hands entangled and resting at the spot where he previously slept on. “I must thank you. You saved my life.”  
“In retro perspective I just needed to use a shuriken or kunai to stop him. It was stupid to throw myself into the knife.”  
“Then why doing it?”  
“You know why.” You remembered the confession you made in the face of death. You remembered also his confusion and surprise at your words and the emotional pain caused by his shock. “You know now why.”  
It was strange how words could change so much between two humans. The last two weeks (no, three weeks) you slept countless times with Kakashi, shared your most private fantasies with him, but now you fiddled like the young Hyuuga heiress with your fingers, too embarrassed by the close proximity of the silver haired jounin.   
“I don’t understand.” Kakashi said finally. “Since when…?”  
You nestled nervously with the edges of your white blanket. “Since a few years. But especially since the attack from Orochimaru during the chunin exams.” you mumbled back and watched how his brain started to work.   
“You tried to cut connections that time. Because of your feelings for me?”  
You nodded only. Suddenly the blank white of the walls was interesting enough to stare at them for hours. Never you would have believed something could be as ridiculous as telling Kakashi your most secret sex fantasies, but now you knew something more humiliating. Talking calmly about your emotions, dissecting them until they were only an empty corpse, ripped from any real meaning and in the end hearing he couldn’t answer them and that he liked you, but only in a friendly way. So you got ready for the surely nice rejection he would give to you like he gave various other females who had approached him.  
“(Name), I don’t know how to tell you…”  
You hold your breath and got ready for the impact.  
“…That you’re incredible dense.”  
“Huh?” That wasn’t a rejection. Surprised you turned away from your lap and stared at the male, who grinned his infamous creased-eyes-smile underneath the black mask. Kakashi snickered, obviously enjoying your shocked expression. “Don’t you think it’s weird that I offer you to teach you how to have sex? Didn’t you think it was at least a bit awkward even for a loyal friend to help you in such an intense way? Hell,” he shook his head in suppressed laughter, “and I believed you would get it after some time! All those sneaky advances, dates and breakings into your apartment went to waste, just because you were so obvious!”  
“Aren’t you turning me down?” you asked dumbfounded. Something was reborn in your chest, sticking its head out of the grave and sniffing for the fresh air of a new day. And as he shook his head, this time denying your question and still laughing, you joined weakly in. Your chest still hurt though, thus you grimaced after some seconds and unconsciously clutched into the blankets. Immediately Kakashi reacted to you and cupped your cheek; an unbelievable gentle and loving caress standing in a stark contrast to the hard fucks he usually loved to give you, but you wished so long for something like this right now.   
Your eyes met and you raised your own hand to his, clutching it before you bit your lower lip, flushing in embarrassment. The silver haired ninja had recovered from his outbreak of happiness and only looked at you, almost yearning standing in the black pools. 

“During the war there was not much time to think.” he started and surprised you once more. Kakashi didn’t talk about his actions during the fights with you, and you saw the reason in the deep involvement of Obito. But it seemed like you were totally wrong on that. “But while I fought with my childhood friend and saw the hate in his eyes, how much he turned for Rin… The only thing that was in my mind was you. You were always… so friendly to everyone, so open, so excited about the simplest things. You enjoy life like no other shinobi I know. And I wanted to protect that innocent part of yours, no matter what. That thought was my anchor of just getting through all of this, to stand up when the enemy was too strong or the others were too numerous.”   
While he spoke, Kakashi shifted closer to you. His fingers were warm and you started to draw cycles on the back of his hand, humming weakly to soothe him. And it worked. After some minutes he continued, voice raw and head hanging low, but he squeezed gently back. “When I got informed you were alive, I was so glad. And when you just stood there and made jokes about how you kicked the asses of a whole company of Zetsus alone, the only thing I wanted to do was dragging you somewhere peaceful and kiss the living daylights out of you. But back then I believed you only saw me as a friend, so I just shoved my hands into my pockets and wandered over.”  
You remembered that moment clearly. Your heart had stopped for a moment as you saw Kakashi casually strolling into the little circle of shinobis, full of bruises and blood, but on top of everything alive and well. He had given you a small smile, then waved, a silly gesture in comparison to the bear-like hug you had given him in return.   
“Then we cleaned all this mess up and returned to our daily business. You were busy with reconstruction and I was being instructed by Tsunade to become the next Hokage, so we didn’t see each other much. Nevertheless I was everytime glad you invited me out, even when I acted like I didn’t care about it. Just spending time with you was great, hearing your voice, listening to your bad jokes and rantings about life… And then that night came. You were so sad and I just wanted to help you so badly…The only thing I could come up with was teaching you how to sleep with other men,” he spit the word out in disgust, “to make you maybe realize that there could be something more between us. But the mere thought of you having the same reactions with others… It made me sick.”  
You couldn’t help yourself but to grin at the openly displayed jealousy from Kakashi. You never saw him like this: agitated and frowning at the mere thought of you sleeping with others. Like you could after all those things he did. You were helplessly addicted to only his touch and his voice commanding you.   
“Any why did you end our lessons then?” you asked softly.   
He didn’t answered immediately. Instead Kakashi looked at your entangled hands and how they laid in your lap, innocently trying to get as many contact as he could without crawling into your bed and hurting you accidently. Then he raised his head, a little crease between his eyebrows like he didn’t like to be reminded of the situation back then. “I got too involved. You showed no sign of becoming attached to me, but I got more and more intrigued with every lesson we had. I stayed in your bed when I didn’t had to, we ate together afterwards or only laid in each other’s arms. And when you acted like nothing ever happened between us only minutes ago we had sex, I…” Kakashi shook his head. “I took it as the last chance. If you would show anything else but sexual attraction, then I would confess. But you did not.”

You understood somehow and smiled sadly at the whole situation and stupidity of both of you. Your Anbu-education forbid you to show any sign of traitorous emotions and so you had locked every physical reaction away, only letting them out when you had slept with each other. The whole time Kakashi had the same kind of feelings, the same kind of troubles, the same kind of confusing self-imposed restrictions. Even when his Anbu times were over some years ago, the laws were still installed inside the jounin and hindered him from telling his feelings clearly without the reassurance they were answered. Just like you.  
“God, Kakashi…” You cradled his hand in yours before speaking up. “As I could sleep with just anyone. You know,” at that point you kissed out of impulse his knuckles and watched how he blinked surprised, “Since years I wanted nothing else but to have sex with only you. The last weeks were some of the best but also most painful in my life, because I believed you were still into Rin. I thought I could live with just being able to touch you, but the hole in my chest just got bigger. I was able to forget about it in your arms, but when you left it surfaced again and again. I told myself so many times to let go, but I couldn’t. Because,” you breathed out and smiled, “I’m in love with you, Kakashi. Not somebody else. There couldn’t be anybody else.”  
“It’s true, I was into Rin for some time and still was when I told you about her. But now the only woman in my mind is you, (Name). Please believe me.”  
Kakashi was pleading you to believe in him. How could you resist? Wasn’t the silent perseverance throughout the week you were out reason enough? Weren’t the desperate callings of your name when he thought you would die proof for his words? Leaning down you rested your forehead at his, feeling the cool metal of his headband pressing the contour of the Konoha symbol into your skin. “Naturally I believe you.” you choked out.   
This was definitely a dream, the best you ever had so far. Because Kakashi pressed a quick kiss to your lips, because he hugged you gently and tried not to touch your freshly healed wounds, because he climbed carefully into the small hospital bed and let you snuggle into the crook of his arm and sleep, all the while only being there for you.   
The last thing you heard from him before you went to sleep was a weak “I love you.” from him, then you blacked completely out, smiling lightly and gripping into Kakashis green vest.

The next weeks still felt like a dream to you, but with every day the copy ninja proved how much he wanted to stay by your side. With the patience of an angel he sat at your bed everyday, reading in front of you Icha-Icha-novels and jokingly reading passages out loud to chuckle at the flushed cheeks you got. Together you talked about the most ridiculous things and enjoyed the visits of Naruto and Sakura, who got to know you better than they ever wished (they surprised you and Kakashi during a not-so-careful-as-needed-make-out session). Also Tsunade snowed in, screamed a bit at you for being so irresponsible and thick-headed to jump in front of a knife, then calmed down and grumpily discharged you, what made Kakashi in return very happy. He pushed you to stay for the last days of your recovery in his flat, however you saw the mischievous glint in his eyes when you agreed.  
Kakashi was up to something and you expected his ‘attack’ with anticipation.  
The silver haired man had teleported both of you into his flat, in the same second the word “Discharged.” left Tsunade’s mouth. For the sake of your dignity he had slung one arm around your waist and supported you only, not carried your still stiff body bridal-style (like Kakashi originally suggested it), but instantly, not even the dancing leaves from the shushin died down, Kakashi latched himself upon you.  
“You thick-headed mull!” you shouted out, but the impact was lessened by the breathless groan which escaped. You stopped his wandering hands and clutched them between your bodies, all the while searching his eyes. “I’m still recovering. And having the same kind of sex we had until now would get in the way.”  
You were standing in his living room, but quickly you stumbled over to the comfy couch and sank down on it, the male following you on your wheels. The single room was compared to yours far more spacious. Also the rest of the apartment was larger and you smugly grinned at the thought of Kakashi opening his precious house to you and only for you.  
He hovered before your feet, an invisible pout on his face. “But I’m behaving now since two weeks. All the time we only shared innocent-!”  
“Don’t you dare to say innocent.” you interrupted. “Remember the day the nurse marched into some groping? Or when the night nurse came in to find you half naked on top of me? Or the day after that, when your students barged in, only to see me, only in bandages and you only covered with your mask and a-!” 

Kakashi put his hands in a defensive matter up. “I get it, I get it. No sex.” Then the teasing glint vanished, getting replaced by worry. He crouched down and looked into your eyes, the eyebrows drawn together and hands placed at the sides of your thighs. Your breath hitched at the intensity the usual calm jounin displayed. “I wouldn’t do anything what would get in the way of your health. I can wait until you’re alright again, alright enough to be completely free of any pain or sting. Until then I will be your humble servant, my dear.”   
Kakashi leaned forward and until you properly realized what he was doing, he had placed a quick kiss at your forehead and weaseled into the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards in search for some mugs. Your heart fluttered at the sweet gesture and unconsciously your lips lifted.   
Your dream had come true. Kakashi loved you back. He gave you sweet kisses on the forehead, called you ‘my dear’, made sure you weren’t straining yourself. It was far more than you could’ve asked and everything you ever longed for.  
Listening to the homey sounds coming from the kitchen, you were lulled to sleep, exhausted by the previous partaking physiotherapy and medical drugs in your system. Maybe it had also something to do with the low hum resounding through the rooms, which made you smile. Your dream was confusing,, sometimes disturbed by the outer world by loud sounds (sometimes having sharp senses was a pain in the ass) but you clearly felt the distant but assuring safety surrounding all of you, so you drowsed always again off.  
Hours later, the sun already vanished behind the great hokage mountain, you woke up from your nap. A blanket was carefully placed over your slouched form and a cup of already cold tea was settled at the coffee table in front of you. Yawning you scouted out for Kakashi, but didn’t spot his body in your proximity. But when you checked his chakra signature, you sighed out in relief and slowly propped yourself up from the couch.

“You shouldn’t be up.”  
Kakashi scowled lightly as he watched you stumbling into his bedroom. Closing one of the colorful Icha-Icha-novels, he got up and supported you until you nearly collapsed completely exhausted on the furniture. “Sleep is important for the injured.”  
“And you’re the expert, huh? Craning my neck on the back of your sofa isn’t adding to my health Hatake.”  
“And you being stubborn won’t help either (Surname).”  
“Don’t use my own words against me.”  
He chuckled. “Wasn’t it after Team Kakashi retrieved the Kazekage from Akatsuki and I returned totally depleted from chakra you said that to me? How the tables have turned.”   
You rolled your eyes. “Now you feel better, you little…” A quick flash of pain stopped your rantings and you breathed rashly in, what caused the silver haired man to bend down and check your injury. For that purpose he hauled your shirt up and felt for any fractures or blood oozing through the bandages. When he was done, Kakashi retreated lightly, but kept near enough to let you feel the warmth of his body.   
“Never again,” he clicked his tongue, “throw yourself in front of an attack meant for me. Seriously, just don’t. Seeing you lying in a pool of your own blood shaved some years of my lifespan (Name).”   
“Watching a man sneaking up on you was also frightening.” You remembered the feeling of horrible helplessness in the face of losing Kakashi. Apparently he felt so too and it made you heart grow warm and getting sick at the same time. Because some day you had to part and with you being in Anbu and the slouched genius being the next hokage, you had to protect him with your own body if it was needed, it would be you dying first.   
Kakashi knew it too. The thought shined out of his black eyes while he cupped your cheeks with his calloused hands. Silent he steadied you and just as silent, you reached out and pulled the mask down. He was wearing his tanktop with his trademark mask attached to it, so the black fabric was everything that hindered your look to capture all of his facial structures.   
“I think I’m going to quit Anbu.” you exclaimed suddenly. “I mean, eleven years of active duty and I still have all my fingers and toes. They say one should stop when it just got good, right? Living a rather peaceful life as a normal jounin, maybe helping the freshly baked hokage out on my free days… Doesn’t sound too bad.”  
Kakashi smiled that his orbs creased into the small half-moons. “No.” he murmured and pecked your lips. This time your skin touched and the contact was short, but loving. Still cupping your cheeks, he retreated, dimples appearing in his face. “Doesn’t sound too bad to me either.”

Extended Ending:

“You’re stealing all the blankets.”  
“Shut up. I’m the injured this time, so stop complaining.”  
“Maa, you’re feisty when you’re hurt. Hopefully it will last until you’re better.”  
“Just so you can discipline me, huh?”  
“I’m becoming predictable.”  
“...”  
“…”  
“Kakashi?”  
“My dear.”  
“I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”  
“… (Name)…”  
“I’m a thief. And a thief needs to be punished.”  
“(Name).”  
“Yes?”  
“We wait.”  
“But-!”  
“We. Wait.”  
“…Okay.”  
“I created a monster.”  
“But you love me nevertheless?”  
“I love you even when you start to get all wrinkly and old.”  
“Kakashi!”  
“That, my dear, was revenge. Now sleep. Love you.”  
“I love you too, you meanie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end :D  
> Thanks for reading my first work, I can't express how much it means to me. Also thanks to the comments and Kudos, I appreciate every single one of them. (In fact sometimes I even woke up and checked them before anything else...)

**Author's Note:**

> Woah.  
> Thank you really much for reading this. Maybe you noticed throughout the text, but my motherlanguage ISN'T english. So I would appreciate every comment which corrects my surely many mistakes. Otherwise,  
> it took me a lot of willpower to actually post a story of mine and I'm really grateful for all those people (and authors who wrote silly notes), who unwillingly encouraged me to get my shit together. You all are awesome.
> 
> My gosh, that sounds so cheesy. I should stop that right now. Anyway, if you have any suggestions how I can improve myself, please tell me.  
> Bye and have a nice day! (^.^)


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